Trying to Forget
by Miranthia
Summary: Yes, 'tis another scenario that I have come up with. Oddly enough, this was actually a dream. Hopefully you like it...I do. Review if you want.


A/N: Sadly, no I don't own the characters...

_**Trying to Forget**_

She yelled out in panic as the lights suddenly went out. It was completely dark in the basement, and somewhere down there with her was a madman with a gun. Clarice stumbled around in the darkness, her eyes wide open and her gun shaking in her hand as she tried to feel around for the wall. Her breathing was shallow and ragged but she managed to keep her mind rational, and she managed not to send herself into shock. Her hand came into contact with a wall and she quickly pressed her back into it before she slowly slid her way into a corner, her gun still in front of her. She walked forward several paces before she fell in a doorway, the lack of a wall catching her off guard. Clarice got back up to her feet, her eyes straining to see through the dark. She slowly turned around and walked into the doorway, her entire body trembling violently. She felt her foot come into contact with something relatively soft and realized that she was in the makeshift bedroom. The brief contact caused her to stumble further into the room and she couldn't locate the wall. She reached out in vain with her hand, fingers searching for something to grab onto, unaware of the hand that reached out for her; unaware that she wasn't alone.

Jame watched Clarice through his night vision goggles, completely captivated by the woman. She was beautiful, and her body was perfect. The masculine side of Jame wanted her badly; it wanted to feel her, to touch her, to taste her. The feminine side of him wanted her just as badly, but it wanted to BE her. He could only see some of her skin and view her slender form under her clothes, and he was extremely curious as to what she looked like without them; he wanted to see all of her. His original plan had been to shoot her, but he was fighting a losing battle against himself, and finally the curious side of him took over.

Clarice turned around, her eyes still as wide as ever and her breathing still ragged when a hand closed over her mouth and knocked her gun away. Her muffled scream echoed around her and she felt her back collide roughly into a wall, Jame pinning her there securely. She was attempting to fight back when the unmistakable feel of a knife pressing against her neck quieted her attempts; evidently he had rid himself of his gun.

"If you play nicely and cooperate, I just might let the two of you live." he hissed in her ear, already enjoying the feel of her soft skin against his.

Clarice whimpered slightly and closed her eyes, knowing what she would have to do. She wasn't afraid for her life; she was afraid for Catherine's. She realized that the only way Catherine might make it out alive, is if she went along with Jame's twisted plan, for the time being. She sighed and nodded her head slightly, indicating that she understood.

"Good. Now, I'm going to remove my hand from your mouth. If you try anything, I swear it; I'll slit your throat." Once again, Clarice inclined her head slightly. Jame moved his hand from her mouth, running it slowly and gently down her front. Clarice flinched away from his touch, absolutely disgusted.

Jame anticipated her next move and before Clarice could try and escape he pressed the knife closer to her neck, stopping her. He reached next to Clarice and flipped a switch, the sudden appearance of light causing her to squint her eyes in pain. When she could finally see, she saw that Jame was in front of her, knife in hand. He had removed his night vision goggles and his eyes were roving all over her body, making Clarice feel even more uncomfortable than she already was. Jame stared at her greedily, his instincts starting to kick in. He reached out to touch her face and Clarice moved back from him, pressing herself as far into the wall as possible. Jame smirked and moved closer, stopping because her arms formed a barrier between them. Clarice pushed back on his chest as hard as she could, but he merely stood there, his strength exceeding hers. His hand rose up to touch her face again and Clarice closed her eyes, refusing to look at him.

Jame took his time, first running his fingers over her lips, then stroking the side of her face with the back of his hand before running his finger tips lightly down her neck. Clarice's eyes snapped open when he successfully pushed her sweater off her shoulders and tugged on her shirt, trying to untuck it. She pushed on him with all of her might, making him stagger. "Don't you dare!"

He glared at her and pointed the knife at her, his free hand clasping around her wrists. "Take of your shirt and sweater."

She glared at him, her eyes radiating hatred. "No."

He squeezed her wrists tightly and jerked her towards him. "I said; take off your shirt and sweater."

"No."

Jame pressed the knife to her neck, pressing hard enough to make her gasp in pain, a thin trickle of blood running down her neck. "Take off your fucking shirt and sweater." he growled dangerously.

"Alright!" Jame let go of her wrists and backed up slightly, the knife still pointed at her. Clarice pulled her sweater off and tugged the shirt free, the absent layer causing her pants to travel low on her hips. She glared daggers at Jame before she pulled her shirt off fully and cast it aside.

His breath caught in his throat and his eyes widened slightly as he gazed at her, in nothing but her pants and a black bra. She was possibly the most beautiful thing that he had ever set eyes on; her skin was perfect, her body was perfect. She had luscious curves and her stomach was flat and toned, compliments from her training. The look on Jame's face confirmed Clarice's worst fears and her body starting to shake slightly as her mind raced to think up of something. Jame ran a hand over his mouth and smiled slightly. As he set the knife down on a table Clarice sprinted for the doorway. Jame lunged after her and grabbed her around the waist, amazed at how easily his arms wrapped around her. Clarice yelled out in frustration and struggled to get away from him but he spun her around and grabbed her wrists, forcing her into the wall once again.

"Let me go!" Clarice glared murderously at him, her body still trembling.

Jame watched the rapid rise and fall of her chest, her demand failing to reach him. He pinned her wrists above her head with one hand, the other traveling over her body. He felt her ribs straining under her skin, the muscles of her stomach, the soft feel of her curves, her skin twitching at his each and every movement. He ran a hand under her bra; a yell of protest escaping Clarice as he gently squeezed and caressed one breast before moving to another.

"No stop..." Clarice pleaded, her composure starting to break. His gentle ministrations would have made anyone weak at the knees and yelling for more, but this was not the case. His touch made Clarice feel dirty and vile; like the white trash Dr. Lecter had once compared her to. She was ashamed; ashamed that she couldn't make him stop.

Jame ignored her and moved his face closer to her skin, breathing in deeply, taking in the scent of her. Jame replaced his hands with his mouth and kissed her body, his tongue roving in its wake. Clarice squeezed her eyes shut and looked away, willing the tears not to fall. Jame spun her around and shoved her front towards the wall, her raised arms preventing her face and chest from slamming into it. He brought his face close to the back of her neck, his hot breath stinging the exposed flesh. "You brought this on yourself you know." He took a moment to run his hand over her writhing back, the feel of her shoulder blades, spine and hips exciting him even more. Jame pulled Clarice away from the wall, one arm wrapped around her, pinning her arms to her front as his other hand traveled down her torso to her belt.

Clarice struggled to get away from him, panic starting to build. "No, don't you fucking dare!"

Jame held on to Clarice tightly, her struggles to get away preventing him from getting what he wanted the easy way. He finally got her belt unbuckled and worked on the button and zipper of her pants. His hand started to slide down her underwear just as she bit down on his arm. He yelled out in pain, and then the back of her head collided with his nose. Jame let go of Clarice to clutch his face; that's all the time Clarice needed to find her gun. Jame got one fleeting glance of her again before she emptied the guns contents into him. She hurried to reload her gun, her hands trembling violently as she aimed at him again, but there was no need. Clarice glared down at Jame in hatred and disgust, the cut on her neck dry as the tears from her face mingled with the dried blood.

Jack got out of the police car and hurried to the house, passing two EMTs as they led Catherine to the ambulance, clutching Precious tightly to her. He saw Clarice climb down the porch and wrapped an arm around her shoulder, and unreadable look on her face. "You ok?" he asked, concern in his voice.

"Gunpowder, it's nothing I'm ok." Clarice leaned into him, her arms wrapped tightly around her body. Some camera men tried to get a snap of her as Crawford led her away from the house. She turned her head and pressed her face into his chest, Jack waving the cameras away.

The trip back to Quantico was quiet, which was a great relief to Clarice. She stared out of the plane window, pushing the memories to the back of her mind. It was best for her to move on; to try to forget. She convinced herself that she was going to be just fine and that she could hide her terrible secret from everybody. Jack drove her from the airport back to her apartment, a comfortable silence between the two. Clarice smiled at him before she got out and he waved after her before heading for his own house.

The door shut behind Clarice and she walked to her bathroom, completely exhausted and still in shock. She turned the shower on and pulled her clothes off, tossing them into a corner before stepping into the searing water. Only then, when she was safe inside her own home and alone, did she allow the tears to come. Clarice scrubbed at her body furiously, trying to wash the memory of Jame away, but no matter what she did, she could still feel him. She stood in the boiling hot water, her skin beet red from a combination of her scrubbing and the water. She finally got her crying under control and proceeded to finish showering with what little hot water she had left. Clarice turned the shower and stepped out, drying herself off with a towel before donning her bath robe. She turned the light off in her bathroom and sank onto her bed, exhaustion taking control of her mind and emotions. She slipped into a peaceful sleep, her dreams completely void of screaming lambs and memories.

It had been about a week since the closing of the Buffalo Bill case and the incident, and now Clarice was being called up onto the stage to receive her badge; Clarice Starling was now Special Agent Clarice Starling.

"Clarice M. Starling." Clarice strode proudly up the stairs and over to the officer, her new FBI badge held out to her. She smiled at him and shook his hand.

"Congratulations." She took her badge and walked off stage, her eyes catching Ardelia in the stands. She gave the thumbs up and winked at her, causing Clarice's smile to widen. As Clarice was walking down the stairs her gaze fell on Jack, who was standing way out of the crowd, beaming at her and clapping before checking his watch and walking away. Clarice smiled slightly and returned to her seat to sit through the rest of the ceremony.

After the ceremony, Clarice was standing with Drs. Pilcher and Roden when Ardelia came up behind Clarice with a grin. "Special Agent Starling,"

Clarice turned around, a surprised grin on her face. "Oh, Special Agent Mapp."

Ardelia laughed and pointed over her shoulder. "Phone call."

Clarice set her wine glass down and excused herself politely. "Excuse me gentlemen."

As she was heading towards the phone, a voice from behind her caused her to turn around. "Starling" Clarice smiled and walked up to Jack. He beamed down at her before speaking again. "Look I just wanted to say congratulations, and um, I'm not that good at these kinda things so I guess I'll duck outta here."

"Ok, sure." Clarice smiled and looked up at him, her eyes searching his face. "Thank you, Mr. Crawford." They stared at each other for a moment before Clarice looked away and offered him her hand.

Jack took her hand and smiled slightly. "Your father would have been proud today." Clarice looked up at him again and smiled slightly. "Don't forget your phone call." Jack grinned at her one last time before he left her where she was standing.

Clarice sighed and walked into the hall and picked up the receiver, feeling happier than she had in days. "Starling."

"Well Clarice, have the lambs stopped screaming?"

The smile fell from Clarice's face and her eyes widened slightly. "Dr. Lecter?" she whispered.

"Don't bother with a trace, I won't be on long enough."

Clarice felt a lump form in the back of her throat and she had to force the tears back. Why, oh why did he have this effect on her? She had been fighting with herself through the entire case and had done fabulously, until now. "Where are you Dr. Lecter?"

Hannibal frowned slightly on the other end, something in her voice causing him to worry. "I have no plans to call on you Clarice, the world's more interesting with you in it. So you take care now to extend me the same courtesy."

"You know I can't make that promise." she whispered.

Hannibal froze again, his worry heightened. "Clarice, what's wrong?"

Clarice squeezed her eyes shut, feeling the tears start to fall. It had been easy to hide everything from Ardelia and Jack, but she found that she couldn't hide it from him, and it confused her. "Nothing, I'm fine."

"Clarice..."

"I'm...I'm fine Doctor."

Hannibal frowned again, making his mind up immediately. He watched Dr. Chilton climb off the plane and walk into the streets before he spoke again. "I do wish we could chat longer, but I'm having an old friend for dinner. Bye." he hung the phone up and sighed before walking after Chilton.

"Dr. Lecter?" There was no response on the other end and Clarice's heart sank. She repeated his name several times, each becoming a little louder than the last. She finally hung the phone up on the receiver before drying her eyes and forcing herself to look calm. She walked back out to the main room and found Ardelia. "Hey, listen I'm going to go home early, I'm pretty worn out." Ardelia nodded and hugged Clarice before she left the station and climbed into her Pinto to go home.

Once again, Clarice stood underneath the scorching water, trying to scrub the memories away. She had done fine for that whole week, not a single thought passing through her mind. Then after the conversation with Lecter the memories flooded back to her. She couldn't sleep that night, her dreams haunted by screaming lambs and the memories of Jame.

The next day went by uneventfully. Ardelia stopped by around lunchtime and stayed until dinner. Clarice had just shown her out when the hairs on the back of her neck stood up. She turned around and slowly walked down the hallway to the living room to find that the balcony doors of her apartment were wide open. She looked around for a moment before she shrugged her shoulders and pulled them shut. She stretched and headed towards her bedroom, pulling her clothes off and donning the robe once again.

"Good evening Clarice."

Clarice's heart seemed to skip a beat and instead of fear overwhelming her, a sense of shame washed over her; shame coupled with excitement. She slowly turned around and saw Hannibal standing in front of her, his hands clasped behind his back. "Evenin' Doctor."

"So tell me little Clarice, how does it feel to be a Special Agent?"

Clarice smiled slightly and looked at him. "It feels ok Doctor."

"I see." He looked thoughtful for a moment then he smiled and walked towards her, his hands still clasped behind his back. Hannibal looked at Clarice and she fidgeted slightly under his gaze. She felt open and vulnerable before him; she felt like he was reading her like a book. "So, now's your chance to tell me all the grisly details." Clarice blushed slightly and raised her eyes to his, a slight frown creasing her brow as her blue eyes searched his. "What happened Clarice?" he asked quietly. "And don't lie, or I'll know

Clarice looked away, her body trembling slightly. She was ashamed; ashamed that she had let somebody take advantage of her, ashamed that she had been violated, ashamed of the things she was feeling right now. She had had some kind of connection with Hannibal since their first meeting and it was easy to deny at first, but now it wasn't, at all. Yes, he was a wanted man, yes he was a cannibal, yes she was a FBI agent, but you can't help who your heart falls for. Clarice needed him; she needed him to make her forget, but she wasn't going to give in to her emotions that easy. She already knew that Hannibal loved her, why else would he have come? The thing that disturbed her was that she felt the same way.

"Nothing" she whispered.

Hannibal reached out to place his hands on her shoulders and she flinched away from him. "Clarice I'm not going to hurt you, I swear it." She looked up at him a moment and slowly nodded her head. He placed his hands on her shoulders and felt her tense up, her eyes squeezed shut. "Clarice what did he do to you?"

Clarice looked away from him, a tear slowly running down her face. "Clarice?" She shook her head, feeling her stoic composure break down beneath his gaze. Hannibal pulled Clarice to him and wrapped his arms around her tightly as her body shook violently. He stroked her back gently, anger and hate building up inside of him. Of course, there wasn't anything he could do about it now, Jame was dead. But it killed him to think that another man had done something to his little Starling. "Clarice..."

"He...he touched me...he...he felt me"

Hannibal held her out at arms length, his eyes boring into hers. "Did he rape you Clarice?"

She shook her head slowly and he relaxed a bit. "No. He tried to though, but I killed him before he got the chance." she said quietly. She looked away and attempted to dry her eyes. "I can...I can still feel him though. No matter what I do, I can't make him go away...I can't forget. I was fine until you called me..."

Hannibal stroked Clarice's arms slowly and looked down at her sadly. He wanted to help her, he wanted to try and make her forget. He loved Clarice so much that he would bring Jame back alive just to kill him again, if it would make her feel better.

Clarice sniffed and sighed then rested her head against the wall, and against her will her eyes drifted shut from the feeling of Hannibal stroking her arms. He raised one of his hands and ran his fingers through her hair before resting it on the side of her face. He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on her cheek. When she didn't push him away he kissed her chin, the corner of her mouth, her bottom lip, anything. When he placed his lips over hers she hesitated. She pulled away and looked at him, knowing deep in her heart that this was wrong on so many different levels. "Wait, stop. I...I can't..."

"Can't, or won't, Clarice?"

She looked at him again, not really knowing how to react. "I..."

Before she could get any further he once again covered her mouth with his, taking full advantage over her parted lips. It was something Clarice had never experienced before, and she knew it was something that she would never forget. The kiss that they shared was the most passionate thing that they had both ever experienced, and they didn't want it to stop. Hannibal decided right then and there that he never wanted to kiss another woman's lips again.

Hannibal picked Clarice up and carried her to her bed, laying her down gently before returning his lips to hers. He kissed her jawbone and trailed his mouth down her neck to her collarbone, soft sighs escaping Clarice's slightly swollen and parted lips. Hannibal untied Clarice's robe and slipped it off of her, his breath catching in his throat. She was indeed the most beautiful and shapely woman that he had ever seen. His wonderment and excitement was even greater than Jame's had been and he vowed silently to himself that he was going to treat Clarice with the utmost respect and kindness that he possibly could, from there on out (even though he had already been). He ran his hands gently all over her body, Clarice sighing in pleasure. "Clarice you are absolutely gorgeous...I don't see why you haven't married yet."

Clarice blushed slightly and smiled. "I guess the right guy just hasn't come along yet Dr. Lecter." He smiled and returned his lips to hers for a fiery kiss before he pulled away and proceeded to undress himself. He positioned himself more comfortably over her and kissed her forehead, his fingers tracing her lips. Clarice took his hand in hers and kissed his nose before he slowly pushed into her. He could go no further and he looked down at Clarice, waiting for her permission. She slowly nodded her head and braced herself as Hannibal thrust forward, completely inside her. Clarice gasped aloud in pain, Hannibal whispering soothingly into her ear. He waited for her to adjust herself before pulling out and slowly thrusting back in. He kissed her deeply, keeping his slow and steady pace for her. Clarice closed her eyes and arched into him slightly her body trying to take in the new sensations; she had never felt anything like this before.

Hannibal began to thrust harder into her, sweat forming on their bodies as their hips rocked in unison, Clarice's moans and gasps of pleasure becoming louder. Hannibal kissed her and looked lovingly down at her, his own breathing starting to speed up. Clarice dug her fingernails lightly into his back, her forehead pressing into his shoulder and she held him closer to her, his thrusting becoming harder and faster. She gasped into his ear, feeling his breath on the side of her neck, the side of her head resting on his. Hannibal thrust even harder into Clarice, her breath becoming ragged and her moans turning into loud sobs as she felt her climax draw nearer. Hannibal moaned Clarice's name aloud as her climax hit, her hips thrusting weakly against his. Hannibal slowed his pace, but he thrust into Clarice hard, wanting her to forget what had happened to her; he wanted her to only remember this, to remember how much pleasure he gave her. Clarice clung to Hannibal, her loud sobs turning into slight screams. His climax finally hit and he moaned as Clarice screamed his name aloud, her back arched as Hannibal thrust into her until he had emptied himself completely. He collapsed on top of Clarice, both trying to get their breathing under control. Clarice tangled her fingers in his hair and pulled him close to her for a deep kiss, his own hands brushing the damp hair out of her face. He gazed down at her lovingly before he gently pulled out of her and rolled over onto his side.

Hannibal ran his hand down her spine and held her close, his chin resting on top of her head, her forehead pressed into his chest. Clarice finally steadied her breathing and she closed her eyes. "I love you Hannibal." she whispered.

He kissed the top of her head and held her closer, his arms wrapped protectively around her. "I love you too Clarice."


End file.
